Happy Valentine's Day? Pt. 3

            In Part 2 I said I hate obligatory actions. What do I mean by that? Anytime that people do something because of the date or because everyone else is doing it bothers the crap out of me. If you love your mom, love your mom. Don’t wait until Mother’s Day to do something nice for her!

            You see, I’m a romantic person (At least, I think so. I haven’t had a girlfriend to verify that.) Regardless, when it comes to doing things that’ll make girls say “Awwww,” I put in work. So, to me, Valentine’s Day is my day-off. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll make a little effort; I’ll cooperate. But on that day, I expect the royal treatment. I expect to kick back and relax while my significant other plays me in 2K, puts her Freak’em dress on, and makes reservations for Applebee’s. That’s how I would like it to be. It’s probably not going to go down like that for me though.

           Guys born on Valentine’s Day like my brother Robert have it good. Technically, they don’t have to do anything. Everything that I described that I would want is a possibility for them. For guys like my cousin who has a girlfriend, an anniversary, and his mother’s birthday all in February, I feel sorry for y’all.

           Happy Valentine’s Day, people. If you hated today think about this—next month’s holiday is all about getting drunk and lucky, so cheer up. 

http://deisainvil.blogspot.com/2014/02/happy-valentines-day_14.html
http://deisainvil.blogspot.com/2014/02/happy-valentines-day-pt-2.html

Happy Valentine's Day? Pt. 2

                It took me awhile but I finally realized why a lot of people don’t like this day. For 24 hours, anybody who isn’t in a relationship is forced to play the third wheel. Whether it be hearing about what others have planned with their boyfriend or girlfriend or seeing gratuitous amounts of cheesy PDA, Cupid is fluttering in our faces, reminding us of our relationship status. The older you get, the more it sucks when you’re single.

               Elementary and middle school had me thinking everyone had a chance to find a special someone. Boy was I wrong, if you don’t have a special someone by Februrary 14^th, you won’t have one the next day. And if you’re the type of person to wait and anticipate romance on this day, you need to come to reality. Either that or go on eHarmony.

               If Valentine’s Day to you is all about the candy, then you’re doing it right. I can’t stand obligatory actions; I’ll explain more in Part 3.

              Before I go I want to ask this question—is it mandatory for men who are in relationships with teachers to go to their spouse’s school on Valentine’s Day? I’m looking at these guys and I’m like, “Where the Hell were you in August?” Maybe it’s a coincidence. Maybe all the teachers’ cars broke down or one guy decided to visit his lady at work and a bunch of other guys decided to do the same. Either way, it seems like these men do it to enhance their chances of getting play. Hey, more power to them if it works.

In case you didn’t already read it: http://deisainvil.blogspot.com/2014/02/happy-valentines-day_14.html

Happy Valentine's Day?

             Here’s what happened to me on the quote on quote “Most Romantic Day of the Year.” I hope yours was better than mine.

                              I woke this morning from a weird dream that I didn’t get accepted to UF. Ha, what foreshadowing: http://deisainvil.blogspot.com/2014/02/theyre-just-not-that-into-you.html

               I did my morning routine whilst listening to Outkast’s “The Love Below” because it’s only right. Frosted Flakes were on the menu, with the gummy bear vitamin, breakfast of champions. Went to school—same ol’ same ol’—this time only with more red, flowers, chocolates, and big @ss teddy bears. Love was nowhere near the air I was breathing. Instead there was bacteria because everyone around me had a cold.

                              1^st hour: Managed to evade a test and finished watching Westside Story on Netflix.

                              2^nd hour: Took a quiz on allusions and read Heart of Darkness as a class.

                              3^rd hour: 95% of the class went ice skating so I had a party in another teacher’s classroom with red velvet cake and salty pink lemonade. After we ate, we watched a bunch of YouTube videos about cute kids. Eh, beats being with underclassmen.

                              4^th hour: Reviewed for a test coming next week.

             After school I stayed in class until 5, prepping for the test. Walked 4 blocks home with 4 bags in my hands. I got home, found out I got rejected from you-know-who (Fxck y’all!) and got a call from my boy talking about the nachos at Moe’s. He came over and we went and got them. Little did we know, it was Nacho Friday. Yay us. We came back to my house and listened to some rap music (mostly Kendrick). He left around 9 and since then I’ve been writing.

             I wish I can tell you my Valentine’s Day was unforgettable, I wish I could tell you that I  got the girl of my dreams to be my Valentine and I stole her heart as we drove off into the sunset in a 2014 Nissan GTR with the top down. I wish I could tell you those things… but the truth is the only arousal I got all day was saving 2 bucks on Nachos.

They're Just Not That into You

UF: “Hey, Deion!”

Me: “What?”

UF: “I don’t see how you can hate from outside of the campus; you weren’t even accepted! Hahaha *Gator Chomp*”

Me: “Up yours.”

        I just got rejected from UF and I’m feeling a mixture of: anger, bitterness, and indifference. I was on a 7 for 7 hot streak with schools until now. It’s like I was at the club getting attention from all these girls but this one stuck-up, gap tooth chick wouldn’t give me the time of day. So I said:

       “FORGET YOU, TRICK! YOU AND YOUR GAP TOOTH!”

        UF wasn’t my dream school, so I’m not sweating this one too much. I didn’t necessarily put a lot of emotion in any of the application processes. I’m not the type of person who would cry if he got deferred. The moment I saw my letter didn’t start with “Congratulations!” I knew I was getting the friend card.

        “You can’t be a student but feel free to root for our sports teams, apply to our nearby community college and try to get into our frat parties!” That’s basically what they told me.   

         Getting rejected by a college stings; it’s like getting pricked in the finger at the pediatrician’s office. It doesn’t hurt to the point where I want to cry but it’s uncomfortable enough for me to not want to go through it again. Rejection letters should just say “Thanks for playing.” Because nobody takes time to read all sympathetic BS.

        If you see me around, don’t approach me with some “Hey, Deion, sorry about UF, bro.” I don’t want to hear it. Don’t rub it in my face. Especially if you got accepted, because I know you’re only being factitious.   

        Can I get half my time and money back at least? That application was overly complicated for no reason. The least the admission heads can do is give me 3 hours of my time back. That would end the relationship on better terms. Tally here I come; unless NYU has something to say about that... Congrats to those that did get accepted though!

                But in all seriousness, f*ck UF.

The College Droput 10 Year Anniversary

               February 10^th, 2004. Ten years ago, Kanye West’s debut, “The College Dropout” was released and changed the hip hop world forever. I can go on for days about how good this album is but instead I’ll describe it in three words: soulful, impacting, and perfect.

                I was in middle school when I first heard The College Dropout and I had the album playing on my computer whilst eating oatmeal raisin cookie dough. What got my attention was the 8 minute monologue at the end of Last Call. It was at that moment that I pictured Kanye and I walking through the fog like Rick and Louie from Casablanca and I said to him “Kanye, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Through the years I have been a big fan of Kanye and I grew up with his music. I often debate which album is better, Late Registration or College Dropout, I can never come to a conclusion so we’ll never know.

                The College Dropout will be remembered as one of the milestones in hip hop. Since its release soul sampling has resurged and rappers are less thuggish and more fashionable. Next year I’ll probably write a post on Late Registration’s 10 year anniversary. One day I’ll get the chance to meet Kanye and we’ll sit and talk about this album and what it meant to us. Hopefully Kim not’s there, or North, he can leave them at home for all I care.

Age Ain't Nothing But a Number, Right?

                The most beautiful woman I have ever seen in person was way out of my league. I’m not saying that because I have a low self-confidence; I’m saying that because she was 10 years older than me. I was at Panera Bread with my mom and sister and I looked outside to see this stunning Latina (most likely Colombian) woman enter. The woman had “Fine” written all over her. She knew that I was looking at her too. I know because when she walked past me she made an effort to walk really slowly so I could get a good look at what I couldn’t get.  Her boyfriend walked right behind her and looked at me like “Yeah, I’m hitting that.”

                The one part of being minor that sucks is seeing beautiful adult women and knowing that nothing could happen. Girls don’t have it as bad because it’s perfectly okay for guys to be with girls 20 years younger than them. America is still warming up to the idea of Cougars. Women in their 20s wouldn’t want anything to do with teenagers anyway. Women want a man not somebody who has a fake ID.

                Whenever I’m in a scenario similar to the Panera Bread situation I think to myself “in a few years. I’ll be old enough to approach a woman at the bar and buy her drink.” But in reality, 25 year old Deion will have the same amount of game as 17 year old Deion. Meaning that he’ll probably approach a 10 if he’s drunk out his mind or in town for a night and has nothing to lose.