Sunday, December 27, 2015

In the Mix's 2015 End of the Year Extravaganza in 3-D On Ice with ThatDude and Kali Tripodis!

I’d like to welcome you all to In the Mix,
As we await the arrival of year 20-1-6,
A lot has happened up to this end,
So I enlisted the help of my two good friends
To close out the year, because it’s only right,

I present to you an Extravaganza in 3D… on Ice. 



Rap
Disclaimer: This section is only looking at mainstream releases. 

This year in hip hop there was just too much to do and not enough time. Every camp dropped some work this year. TDE had titles, ASAP Mob represented and Pro Era had one of the first releases of the year. 2015 hip hop was like being at a good buffet. With all these entrees in front of us, a lot of them couldn’t get a fair shake. We had to get our portions and keep it moving because everything was coming out hot and fresh and the lines were out the door. Despite all of this many of us still found ourselves looking for new music.

6th Man of the Year
Travis Scott
Rodeo dropped on September and did pretty well. Overall it was solid work and further proved my main thought about Travis Scott: He’s a waaaaay better producer than he is a rapper. I’m sorry, but when 2 Chainz, Quavo from Migos, and Justin Bieber have more memorable verses than you, you’re not a lyricist. Which is exactly why he makes a great 6th man. Like Lou Williams or Jamal Crawford, he’s not going to lead the team, but he can bring some much needed energy to the game. Hey, it worked for Rihanna on “BBHMM.”

I Can’t Watch This Anymore Award
Iggy Azalea
I haven’t felt this bad for a white girl since Britney shaved her head. 

Tempur-Pedic Sleep AF Award
To Pimp a Butterfly
There comes a time for some when being great is expected and no longer marveled at. Such is the case now for Kendrick Lamar. The fact that To Pimp a Butterfly didn’t go platinum says it all. TPAB is a very special album. 95% of its content flew above our heads and will need to be revisited and analyzed for the next 20 years. The man spent two years working on this and all he got was a pat on the back. 

A.Z. Scene Stealer Award
Chance the Rapper
Chance might’ve had the verse of the year on Action Bronson’s “Baby Blue.” Most rap songs about exes are vicious and spiteful or downright somber. Think about it, Big Sean’s “IDFWU” was the closest thing to this song. Chance’s verse is hilariously petty and somewhat innocent. Elementary school kids could remix it and it’ll go viral. Don’t be surprised if you see this song appear in a Rom-Com one day.

Most Improved Player of the Year
Big Sean
Big Sean has come a long way from “My Last.” I still don’t believe he’s reached his full potential yet, but he’s getting there. He said himself that this is the best year of his career. Dark Sky Paradise was his first #1 album and he stayed on the charts quite a while with all of his singles. 

One Hit Wonder of the Year
Post Malone
“White Iverson” came out of nowhere and it was bumping for a while, but now it’s time is over. It’s not that it got played out, it just can’t go any further. Post Malone swears he’s here to stay, but his time is just about done. Maybe it isn’t, it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about a rapper. I actually know a few Post Malone fans so buddy has a bigger fanbase than his runner-up, Silento.   

Rookie of the Year
Fetty Wap and Jidenna
I had to give it to Fetty because it’s only right. No newcomer made more noise than him. I honestly thought he was a one hit wonder after “Trap Queen” but then came “My Way” and “679.” There’s still a chance that he can become a one album wonder, but for now, let’s enjoy all the “Yaaaahhh baby” and “Squaaaa’s” while they’re still fun.
Jidenna was my personal favorite newcomer. “Classic Man” was awesome and he hasn’t put out anything wack yet. His story is interesting and his swanky style is refreshing. It’ll be interesting to see what he does with a solo album which he should have next year. 

Defensive Player of the Year
Drake
Drake could’ve replied to Meek’s diss on Twitter and kept it a social media thing. Instead he got in the booth and made two…maybe three, songs. Gotta give him credit for that, but it stops there. Drake knew he would win that battle and he did. The so called “beef” was amusing to say the least. Meek came out looking like a dunce, but he wakes up next to Nicki Minaj every morning. So all isn’t lost for him. 

MVP
Future
This was a tough one. Drake and Future were neck and neck in the race but when it comes down to productivity, I had to give it to Future. Sure he got bodied on WATTBA but keep in mind that Future dropped two mixtapes and an album. I’m not the biggest Future fan, but his work ethic and productivity are unrivaled. He might not have dominated the charts, but he had the streets on smash all year, wore the ridiculous hat better than Pharrell, delivered two of the best lines on the diuretic effects of cough medicine on “3500” and “Thought it Was a Drought,” and he did all of this while mumbling.  


What to Watch For in 2016 
       J. Cole and Kendrick Lamar’s collaboration. If you’re like me you’ve been waiting for this since 2012. The Black Friday thing didn’t mean anything to me until I heard the hint at a February release. Could we possibly hear Cole and Kendrick rapping on a track together? Are my wishes from "What a Time to be a Cynic" going to come true?! We’ll see in February. 

      We need some new material from Isaiah Rashad. I know it’s coming, “Nelly” was just a sample, a darn good one too. I’ve been bumping Cilvia EP Demo long enough. I am itching for Isaiah Rashad to shake things up. ScHoolboy Q is also expected to drop an album next year.

Up next is the Great Sports Debater,
A near and dear friend although he is a Gator,
So without further ado,

Here’s some sports talk with ThatDude.

ThatDude's 2015 Highlights
Ducks and Indians Switch Roles: Ducks go Indian Hunting
HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES FSU!!!!!!! It took damn long enough for you to be put back in your place. Winston was a hell of a quarterback, but without him, you guys are about as threatening as a small poodle with a bark. You got the Tebow Syndrome. That one special player comes into your life and spoils you. He wines you, dines you, and you fall deeply in love with him. But you know that this relationship won’t last. He’s just a summer fling and eventually he’ll leave you for something new. Once he does leave you, nothing is quite the same. The water tastes funny, you don’t sleep as well and deep down in your heart you know it’ll be almost impossible to find someone better. He was the one. You find people who can take his role, but they don’t satisfy you the same. You’re optimistic that they’ll be just as good, but everyone, including yourself, knows that they won’t and that your one moment of happiness is gone. Now everything will be downhill for some time until you recover. UF is recovering right now, FSU. You’re about to enter a depressing downward spiral. EnjoyJ


Seahawks Didn’t Run It
It’s almost been a year since the Superbowl and I still can’t believe the Seahawks didn’t run it. Do they know who they have on their team? Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch. His nickname is “Beast Mode” for crying out loud, and you decide to pass it?! Pete Carrol, do you think this is Madden? You want to be cute with your play calling and throw a pass from the half-yard line? Buddy could have tripped forward and he most likely would have scored. Buddy could have sneezed and he still probably would have scored. You know why he’s there, use him.

Fight Night: Jonathon Papelbon vs. Bryce Harper

I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing I loved more than when I saw Jonathon Papelbon try to knock Harper out. Buddy!!!! You’re a cancer to any team you’re on. Harper literally was the MVP of the league and you try to take him out? I honestly don’t care if he wasn’t running hard, his hair flips have done more for that team than your busted, overpaid arm. I heard the Marlins were one of the teams on your no-trade clause list. THANK YOU!!!! Being a Marlins fan is hard enough, but if I had to see your ugly, pale ass in the bullpen every day, I might have to send the Marlins my letter of resignation. I legitimately hope you try to fight Harper again. Hope you get a good punch in that breaks that million dollar arm of yours so that you can’t pitch that season.

MayPac
There’s a lot of beef with this fight, and honestly, I don’t know what everyone was expecting. Mayweather is a defensive fighter, he’s not there to knock you out and fuck your bitch. He’s there to win. As they say “Defense wins games,” and that’s what he does. No, he wasn’t running away scared, he was fighting the same way that has made him undefeated. And after that fight y’all want to call him out? Nah, I smell bull. Mayweather beat Pacquiao fair and square and I thought it was a good fight. Personally, I’m a fan of some great defense. Mostly because I can’t score on the basketball court, but I sure as hell will do what I can to shut you down. As Action Bronson said in “Baby Blue,” “Floyd Mayweather walked into a McDonalds and ordered 8,000 chicken mcnuggets. Now that’s a champion!”

American Pharaoh Wins Triple Crown
HA! You guys thought I was going to talk about a horse, didn’t you? Lol nope.

Warriors Take Home Larry
My biggest grief with the Warriors is there isn’t any hate on them. Why isn’t there any hate on them? Everything they do is seen through rose colored glass. Steph Curry could punch a baby and most people would see it as him blessing the child with a shooter’s touch. I’m not saying Curry is a bad dude, but who is his antagonist? When LeBron was in Miami, he had a grown ass man blow in his ear and ride up on him to annoy him. Who is going to step up and make this man uncomfortable? I appreciate Delly doing what he can, but we know he isn’t about that life. Lance Stephenson lived and breathed the douche role. I’m calling on you, Point Guards of the NBA, for someone to step up and give this man an antagonist. The Warriors in general could use an antagonist. When the Heat had LeBron, not only was everyone against them, but they had to go through the Celtics in year 1, and Pacers in years 2 and 3. There was a legitimate struggle where they had to put on their big boy pants and put these teams to bed because they just weren’t about that Finals life. No team has rivaled the Warriors like the Pacers did with the Heat. Don’t even say the Clippers because they’ve been the biggest pretender to be in the NBA since Kwame Brown.

PorFlopis Fans
If anyone should be boo’d, it’s you, Knicks fans. You go from booing this man, on his draft day if I may add, to worshipping this man like he’s the second coming of Patrick Ewing. PorzinGod? Are you freaking kidding me? Not only is that a stupid ass nickname but it might as well be sexual harassment with how hard you’re riding him. First, you’re kind of dicks for booing him on his draft day. That’s like booing your son as he walks across the stage on his college graduation. But then you worship a man who, to be frank, hasn’t proven himself. Has he shown potential? Yeah, but then again so did Carmelo Anthony and how many rings have you won with him?

US Women Take Home the World Cup
Let’s be brutally honest here, it’s a minority that regularly watches soccer in the United States. It’s just not our sport. America was built on using every advantage we have to succeed. It’s why we gave the Native Americans small-pox blankets and bought New York for basically magic beans. I, like most of America, am a seasonal soccer fan: Every 4 years in that awkward stage where none of the 3 major sports are popping off. Now the Women’s World Cup? Let’s be honest again, women’s sports can sometimes (always) be pretty agonizing to watch. When I see women’s basketball on ESPN, I’m pretty damn sure it’s a slow day in the sports world. So, congratulations to the women’s soccer team, it was nice being a fan for a couple months, but you’re back to being irrelevant to me and a large majority of America once again.

Mamba Out
It’s been a long 20 years, but the Black Mamba is finally hanging up the towel and picking up a Corona to enjoy with his feet in the sand. For some, this is sad news and a departure of a legend. For others, it’s a time of rejoice as finally the Lakers will become irrelevant after consistent decades of non-stop media coverage. It certainly has been a great career for Kobe and he will surely go down as one of the best to play the game. He’s influenced many of the top young players in the NBA today. But on another note, could we turn the hype down a notch? ESPN has been eating up this retirement and using any reason to show Kobe's face. If I see #vintageKobe one more time and see him just making an open jump shot, I might implode. However, I do enjoy seeing Kobe’s press conferences now. He’s a different Kobe out there. Gone is the intense, serious, “you know why I’m here” Kobe Bryant. Here is the relaxed, open, joking Bryant who actually gives us insight into who is Kobe off the court. To be able to say “Oh! That’s what Vanessa sees in him.” I’ve learned a lot about Kobe in this span. Mostly, that this dude can speak more 3 languages. I enjoy seeing that, I don’t enjoy seeing #vintageKobe under a video of him making a layup.

Ronda Rousey
Ronda Rousey sure had a turbulent year this year. She went from top of the totem to bottom of the scrotum real fucking quick . . . and thank goodness that she did. I couldn’t do it anymore! Everything was Ronda Rousey on ESPN. Did you see that commercial she did where she was training in a Pikachu costume? What the actual was that?! Maybe if you took your training serious you wouldn’t have gotten knocked the fuck out in your fight. You deserved it, Rousey. You were getting on mine, and a whole lot of other people’s nerves as well. Surprised that big head of yours even fit in that Pikachu costume. Humble down, we all know there’s not much serious competition in women’s UFC.

You’ve read a lot, believe us, we know,
But we have one more section, before we close,
From fuckboys and Netflix to wishes and movies,
A review of pop culture from Kali and yours truly,

Pop Culture with K&D  

Most Likely to Make You Change Your Cell Phone Provider goes to…
Milana Vayntrub aka Lily Adams for her AT&T commercials. Milana, if you’re reading this, when my screenwriting career pops off I’m putting you in a movie. Even if you play an AT&T sales rep, I’ll make sure you get more than 30 seconds of screen time.

Kali at a Matinee
From worst to first, here are the top five biggest movies of 2015 ranked on a highly scientific “Lit/Not Lit” matrix.
50 Shades of Grey
This disappointment raked in an alarming $570 million and with the unnecessary $40 million budget they couldn’t cast any big names, or at least more attractive people? I mean, c’mon, Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan—do those sound like sexy people to you? No, those are names you read in the soap opera TV Guide. The hot but irrelevant Rita Ora was right there, and that’s how you use her? That’s cold.
Let’s stop glorifying abusive relationships and gratuitous lip-biting. Seriously, BeyoncĂ© remixed “Crazy in Love” and The Weeknd made “Earned It” for this? Please. But, hey—if elderly women got off to it then I guess the movie did what it wanted to do. And if you’re one of the few and the proud who did get off to this movie, have you ever heard of porn? Thank me later.
     Verdict: Not lit.

Entourage – Jesus. The best way to illustrate the total ludicrousness of this movie is with this interaction that happened between my friend and me as we were walking out of the theater.

Totally real non-imaginary friend: Sooooo, how’d you like the movie?
Me: Man, I was really into it then I dozed off during the part where the main hot guy actually gets his movie made, so I got pretty lost in the second half.
Totally real non-imaginary friend: Uh, no… That part never happened. You didn’t fall asleep.
Me: [dies of stupidity]

Even with the badass cameo of Amber Rose’s lesbionic crush Ronda Rousey, this way-too-long episode could not be saved. But hey, you know that guy you like? The one you always see at the bar.. downing Jägerbombs, wearing a fedora? Yeah, him. Pretend you like this movie and he will be forever yours.

Verdict: No, no, no. NOT lit.


Straight Outta Compton

This. Movie. Was. Phenomenal. It may not have told the whole story of the N.W.A., the world’s most dangerous group, but did you not get goosebumps hearing Eazy-E lay the first few bars for “Boyz in the Hood”? That was beautiful. This movie caused white kids everywhere to blast that and “Fuck Tha Police” in their Range Rovers, and if that’s not a sign of the movie’s accomplishments then I don’t know what to tell you. I really hope this film starts a trend for other rap biopics to be made. The same way Marvel has a master calendar of movie releases for all of their universe’s characters, I’d like to see that for rap films. Here’s to crossing our fingers for a Wu-Tang movie.
     Verdict: Straight Outta Lit-ville.




Mad Max: Fury Road – What do you get when you mix a legendary action movie with the excruciating hotness of Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy, subtract Mel Gibson, and sprinkle in some serious headbangers for the soundtrack? One of the best reboots in film history. This movie is next-level eye candy, and I’m not just talking about the lead actors. It has an aesthetic of its own, comparable to everyone’s favorite Spartan movie, 300. The killer visuals, the constant sound effects, the unexpectedly coherent plot—this movie is inspired, unique, and most of all—empowering.      
     Verdict: Mad Max, more like LIT Max.
Ex Machina – Bet you didn’t expect this to be the best movie of the year. You know why? Because you probably expected something easier to pronounce, so let’s get this out of the way: imagine you’re at the mall with your mom and you awkwardly run into your ex-girlfriend, named Keena. Your oblivious mom asks, “Who was that?” You respond, “It was my… ex, Ma! Keena.” Boom. Now, I’m not normally into sci-fi, but to say this movie made an impact on me would be the second biggest understatement of 2015, right before “Miley Cyrus is weird.” I saw this movie in theaters when it came out in April and I literally have thought about it every day since. I’ve thought about how you can make a killer movie set entirely in one house, I’ve thought about how awesome Oscar Isaac is, and mainly I’ve thought about how terrifying robots can be. This movie is haunting, and without a doubt the best movie I saw this year.
     Verdict: Lit to infinity and beyond.

Death to Meme Culture
Deion here. Imagine being at a party where someone tells a funny joke and everyone laughs. For the remainder of your time there you hear everyone repeat the same joke with little to no variation and laugh as if they heard it for the first time. That’s what Twitter and Meme Culture have become. This was the year that Meme Culture became incredibly annoying. Every event, whether big or small received a plethora of memes. I’m on Twitter seeing this madness and looking at the thousands of retweets these things get thinking “Stop it, you’re only encouraging them!!!”


It’s always the same setup. I’m on Twitter, there’s a tweet with a caption which reads something along the lines of: “I’M DYING” or “I laughed way too hard at this” with numerous skull emoticons or face with tears of joy emoji. 9.9 times out of 10 the material wasn’t half as funny as the caption made it out to be, which leads to a very disappointed and disgruntled Deion.

It’s become a process. There’s a headquarters where teenagers report to after school and sit in front of their laptops waiting for something relevant to happen. Once they see a trending topic, they quickly get on Photoshop or Dreamweaver, create a vine or meme and email it to Worldstar Comedy accounts. The accounts then compose tweets with the material and distribute it through their multiple accounts.

Nothing exemplifies this more than “Hotline Bling.” Before the video was officially released the Meme Team went to overtime. The fact that this one dance
Produced enough remix vines such as this to create a compilation, really shows the amount of dedication and creativity that goes in to creating a fleeting joke. 

Six Second Sensation of the Year goes to…. 
Nicholas Fraser aka @downgoes.fraser for his “Why You Always Lying” Vine. Never before has calling liars out been so fun.

Word of the Year
According to Oxford dictionaries, the word of the year is the “face with tears of joy” emoji.
It makes sense, it’s a great substitute for the members of the Lol family. An emoticon being word of the year though? If this happens for two more years in a row we’re going to be getting closer to communicating through hieroglyphics. 

Kali's 2016 Wishlist
Hold on, let me get a message out real quick. ATTENTION: space creatures, it is almost 2016. This means your fellow creature Miley Cyrus has been terrorizing our airwaves for ten years now. Please abduct her, or at least turn her into a human again. Thank you.

Okay, hey guys. Now, 2016 will obviously be known as the year Miley Cyrus finally spun off into her own extraterrestrial dimension far, far away. However, next year will be huge, and I am praying to God or Beyoncé or whoever is up there for some things that I really hope happen next year.

2015 was the Year of the Fuckboy, and here’s to hoping that 2016 will be the Year of the Fuckman. Seriously, acknowledging fuckboys in the first place has made one thing painfully official: chivalry is fucking dead—and it was murdered by Netflix and Chill. That trend is done, and I hope that 2016 brings in Netflix and Talk, Netflix and Cook Her Dinner, or maybe even Netflix and Chill with Her Parents Before Asking Her Dad for Her Hand in Marriage. Like, is that so much to ask?!

Oh, and just to get off my chest—I pray to the dear heavens that no one who I see on December 31st that I plan on seeing the very next day says “See you next year!!” This joke is done to death by grandmas and uncles and other self-proclaimed comedians. Let’s stop this madness once and for all.

Deion here. In addition to the lame “I haven’t seen you in a year” jokes we need to do away with the people who always advertise how they’re cutting people off and not putting up with anything next year. I’m grouping these people with those who post things like “same shit different year” and “page 1 of 365.” We get it, the year’s been tough on you, seek counseling in 2016. Deion out. 

One thing I absolutely love and I hope gets even stronger in 2016 is the hating of anything “basic.” 2015 may have been annoying, heartbreaking, terrifying—but, damn—it was weird as hell. And weird is a beautiful thing. By hating on and actively avoiding becoming basic, we are learning how to unapologetically be ourselves. I pray, O YoncĂ©, that 2016 is filled with even weirder, crazier ways to rid the world of unoriginal, conforming, pizza-meme-loving, Instagram-whoring, Lauren Conrad-loving basicness.

Is Lauren Conrad reading this? Nah, this isn’t Cosmopolitan.

This has been real. See you next year!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The All-Star Game

Let me take you back to 2013, a simpler time. A time when P!nk had a #1 song with “Just Give Me a Reason” and everyone fell back in love with Leonardo DiCaprio for his role in The Great Gatsby. I was a junior in high school whose biggest concern was the ACT. That May I had bigger, more immediate issues to worry about. At the time something that my friends and I were working on all year was on the verge of being a colossal failure...


It’s not every day that one gets to be a super hero; my moment came during my junior year of high school. For six months, three friends and I went to Hell and back to organize a charity basketball game. It was one of our greatest challenges and our most triumphant moment.


Once the four of us hatched the idea for the game, we immediately began to toil tirelessly on it, enlisting players, coaches, and supporters. The proceeds were originally going to our graduating class, but we ultimately decided to team up with two senior girls running a homeless aid charity called “The Light Movement.” Through this partnership, we were introduced to our biggest ally, the marvelous Ms. Parks, who became our teacher-sponsor and main problem-solver. When there weren’t enough volunteers, she got her science classes involved; when we faced catty cheerleaders, she was our peacekeeper. The game was scheduled for March 14th, but Ms. Parks had to attend a benefit dinner the same night. Knowing it wouldn’t be right to continue without our biggest supporter, we agreed to push the date back to April 4th. Little did we know, we were about to face the ultimate test of strength and perseverance.

We had two main nemeses, time and the football coach. A week before the big day, one of our coaches and three starters dropped out due to a travel tournament. Subsequently, more players were forced to resign because of football practice. We tried to persuade the coach to dismiss our people from practice, but he wouldn’t budge. With so many players missing, pushing the game back again was the only option. But finding a new date so late in the year wasn’t guaranteed. This was our darkest hour, with our backs against the wall and defeat creeping up, the odious visage of failure cackled in our faces. Luckily, the dice of destiny rolled in our favor and a new date was awarded, May 10th.

Come May 10th the dream was finally a reality. My friend and I subbed in as last-minute coaches. He coached the underclassmen and I coached the upperclassmen. Once the game tipped off, my only worry was winning the game, which I did: 90-84.

This experience has been a huge life lesson. For once in my life, I felt like a superhero. We raised $200 for the Light Movement and assembled 40+ bags of toiletries and personal hygiene items for the homeless. It was a rough six months, but I’m proud to say that we were able to emerge from the rubble and stand victorious.


For footage of the game, follow this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ6IoHpt9fg&list=PLSDSBEVX8rII_M7XkvFOax1lWYE9y-d9C

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Chronicles of the College Boy: Fallout and Chill?

   
     I’ve got a question, America: Why is binge watching acceptable, but playing videogames isn’t? 

     How come if I tell people about how I’ve been watching Dexter all day I’m met with smiles and conversation, but if I talk about my latest adventures in Fallout 4, suddenly I’m getting the side eye?

     Seriously, if you tell someone you played a video game for three hours you might as well have a cocked eye, a scraggly beard and foam coming out of your mouth.
How my loved ones see me right now.

     Maybe it’s because generally binge watchers make better water-cooler conversation than gamers. I don’t consider myself a gamer, but I understand them.

     Lately I’ve been playing a whole lot of Fallout 4. It’s all I have right now because I won’t be home for the holidays until Sunday. I stayed here to pick up some extra work. I’m working two jobs now. At night I’m a bartender at the local teen club and during the day I pick oranges. I got the night job after showing the owner my special mix of southern iced tea and root beer. It went over well with the kids and we’re in talks of getting a patent. Take that, Brandon!

     If I were to describe Fallout 4 in one word it’d be heavenly. It’s the most fun I’ve had with a videogame since NBA 2K11. I’m currently a level 8 or 9 and I just rescued Nick Valentine. I did a few side missions for the Minutemen, but I still have a lot to see and do. I didn’t modify a weapon or create a settlement yet. 

     The graphics are amazing. War torn Boston in 2287 is so much more vibrant than the doodoo green Capital Wasteland in Fallout 3. Having your character speak and the dialogue options are cool. The live action combat is extremely fluid; I no longer feel compelled to spam the V.A.T.S. button. I love the game, but it has its blemishes.

     My biggest issue is with the story. I read somewhere that for seven years the story developers sat around eating pot brownies and watching Disney movies. One dude brought Finding Nemo and once the movie was over, they went to White Castle, came back and started working on the script.

     You play a man or woman who hunts down the people who murdered your spouse and kidnapped your newborn son. In Fallout 3, your dad escapes the vault and you have to find him. When you do, you discover he was part of something big and you get thrown in the middle of it. In Fallout New Vegas, you are shot and left for dead. When you find the person who shot you, you find out he was part of something big and you get thrown in the middle of it. Now in Fallout 4, it’s looking like the same freaking thing. We waited seven years for a post-apocalyptic Pixar adaption. 

     The levels of difficulty are actually legit. In Fallout 3, playing on hard versus playing on easy was a matter of how many shotgun shells does it take to blow a raider’s head off. In Fallout 4 playing on normal provides a decent challenge. Actually, "challenge" might be an understatement because I have the life expectancy of a carnival goldfish.

     I’ve played about six hours and half of the time has been spent getting dropped like a fly. I’ve been killed by mongrels, mosquitoes, raiders, creepy new wave religion freaks, mutants, defense turrets and raiders. In Fallout 3, two mutants at once was no challenge. Now, I’m better off sprinting the other way. This is good because it makes the game more realistic. Meaning I have to be less Barney Ross and more Rambo. 

     Weapons overall got stronger. As my good buddy Justin said about Fallout 3 “It felt like you were shooting pop rocks at them.”     

     
     So far the biggest "F--- you" from the game has been the lock picking mechanics. Gone are the days when you had three chances before the bobby pin broke but you could replenish your chances by backing out after the second attempt. Now, your pin can break after the first try.

     The second biggest "F--- you" is legendary enemies. These are bad guys with actual names but no dialogue option. I guess legendary means they can take a whole extended clip to the face and the worst that can happen is them getting a bloody nose.

     Oh and the freaking recoil on some of these guns.. Your character supposedly fought in the third World War yet he or she can’t keep an automatic pistol steady if his or her life depended on it. I hope there’s a sleight of hand perk because reloading while in action is irritatingly slow.  

     Well, I’m off to play some more. That guy who killed my wife is going down. I don’t care about my son. I spent 20 minutes making my wife look like Halle Berry only to see her get killed within 10 minutes. Fallout 4 is a fantastic game that’s worth every penny and all of the hype. And it’s definitely worth losing points with your girl like buddy did on Tinder. 



Thursday, October 15, 2015

NBA Season Preview with ThatDude

 Before we begin Eddie and I would like to thank I *Heart* Celtics for giving us the inspiration to do this and for being the funniest sports blog out there despite their hiatus and the fact that they’re Celtics fans. PLEASE come back, guys. Celtic Nation needs you.This past season like the ones before it has been one full with surprises, heartache, and excitement. My good buddy Eddie from ThatDude's Sports Page and I were going to write a recap of the season, but that would be boring. So we decided in Beastie Boys, Golden Age style fashion, to make a re-rap of the season. See what we did there? Stay away from flammable objects when reading because these rhymes are fire.




Curry and Draymond in the no flex zone

LeBron carrying a team to the finals on his own
Golden State won it with splashes from Curry
But they beat the Cavs without Love and Irving
Andrew Wiggins won Rookie of the Year
But his rival Jabari Parker had an ACL tear
Anthony Davis on the block, swatting like mosquito
Harden looking like black swan heading to the free throw

37 in a quarter, man Klay went off
And in Dallas Rondo told Carlisle to eff off
Miami missed the playoffs, man nothing was the same
Paul Pierce for the win cuz he called game

Clippers once again looking like a top contender
Then falling short, no-one surprise by those pretenders
The Thunder lost KD, oh boy they’re in trouble
But Westbrook messed around and got 11 triple doubles

Damn, another NBA season has gone by
But we still have time to kick some rhymes
The Knicks still suck but that’s not news
And the Lakers can’t stand being bad, boo-hoo
Word.

Eastern Conference Standings
Cleveland Runs away with the East Again (Because the Bulls don't have what it takes) 
      LeBron, Kyrie, Love, all healthy. What more needs to be said? The Cavs are easily gonna be #1. We have the Bulls at #2. We don’t like it, but it’s the best fit. The Eastern conference is weak and every spot but #1 is up for grabs. We want to respect the Bulls, but look at what they have done lately: they got startled by the Bucks; put up a cute, little fight against the Cavs; and fired Tom Thibodeau who's been their greatest coach since Phil. Hopefully last season ends all the talk about the Bulls being title contenders with a healthy Derrick Rose. I don’t care how healthy or vintage he looks, if I was a Chicago fan, I’d switch my jersey number from #1 to #21. Jimmy Butler is the man now. Let's see if Rose and Fred Hoiberg are willing to accept this. 

Wizards Pull a Hoodini and Switch Spots with Toronto
      John Wall, the former #1 pick, finally showed D.C. his worth. If it wasn't for an unfortunate injury, the Wizards would have cake-walked past the Hawks and THEN get brutally destroyed by a freight train named LeBron. But now Wall is healthy; and Beal is only getting better. Wizards get the 3 seed. The Raptors haven't improved; so they get the 4th seed. They play isolation ball and live above the rim. Yeah, they signed DeMarre Carroll, but on the other hand...they signed DeMarre Carroll. Yeah, they also signed Anthony Bennett, but on the other hand...they signed Anthony Bennett. Basically this generation's Kwame Brown. Bismack Biyombo might be a good pick up though. 

Young Bucks and a Sunny Season (Heat #5 Bucks #6)
      Miami had a disappointing season last year but things are looking sunny in South Beach. Bosh is healthy and Whiteside has been working with Juwan Howard in the off-season. Gerald Green and Amar'e are nice pick-ups. Goran re-signed and they got Justise Winslow, who has yet to show us something, but is still a steal in the draft. And, most importantly, for the first time in 4 years Wade had an extra 2 months to recover. Milwaukee may have managed to muscle past obscurity this season without their first rounder Jabari Parker, but they will end the season in the same spot as last year. Even though Game 6 was a slaughter they did give the Bulls a hard time in the playoffs. We're liking the direction the Bucks are going. They're a young team with lots of talent: Giannis, MCW, Jabari Parker, and Jerryd Bayless is an X Factor. The Greg Monroe pick-up is also going to shake things up. We also like Jason Kidd as a coach. He has no expectations and nothing to lose. It’s gonna be fun seeing what he does for them in the next couple of years.

The Quick Rise and The Quick Fall
      There's no argument that the loss of El Trece last year was a big blow for the Pacers. A team that once gave the LeBron-Era Heat trouble, quickly dropped to not even making the playoffs. But now he's back and so are the Pacers in the playoff picture. The question that remains, however, is just how healthy is Paul George? Can he go back to his dominant self? The Pacers did make a nice acquisition of Monta Ellis, but in end, the Pacers success depends on PG. And I guess losing Roy Hibbert is somewhat of a loss since he was a part of their presence, but that's more of a footnote. While the Pacers are on their way up the Hawks will fall. And oh what a fall from grace it will be. The Hawks had the top three most hyped season behind the Cavs and the Warriors. Having four players win player of the month and Korver’s near 50-50-90 season was good fodder for the East but proved to mean nothing in the playoffs as they had a scare against the Wall-less Wizards and the talent-less Nets. Losing DeMarre is a tough blow; and Jeff Teague, although we like the kid, is not going to be the answer the Hawks want him to be. So we can all stop blowing Budenholzer for blowing Popovich and adopting his coach and playing style because the Hawks proved that no and I mean NO style of play supersedes talent (ahem Knicks and Phil Jackson’s Triangle Offense.) 


Western Conference Standings
Rockets Clip Warriors for the #1 Spot
James Harden carried the Rockets throughout the season and they notched a #2 spot. Let us reiterate, Harden, with an unhealthy Dwight Howard, led the Rockets to being the second best team in the Western Conference. Losing Josh Smith won’t even hurt them much because Ty Lawson might be the Mr. Right that Houston needs. He’s an elite point guard who can score and dish the rock effectively and consistently. If he averaged 9 assists with the Nuggets, he’ll have a blast with the Rockets. H-Town will once again be the dominant Texas team. The Clippers may be projected to be #2, but they have the best roster in franchise history. Meaning, if they don’t make it to the conference finals, they're a lost cause. With DeAndre back, Lance Stephenson, Paul Pierce, Josh Smith, and Austin Rivers occasionally balling out, Chris Paul and Doc Rivers have what it takes to make a championship team. Last season Blake Griffin missed 15 games and the Clips were 4 games shy of a 60 win season. The Rockets were also 4 games shy and Dwight missed half of the season. It’s safe to say that both teams will have remarkable seasons.


Warriors get Spurred and Drop to #4 Spot
Before we dive right into the Warriors and their fall, let’s talk about the Spurs. The moves they’ve made this off-season can’t be ignored. They’ve kept their already successful core alive with Duncan, Parker, Ginobili, and the rising star Kawhi, and added the proven all-star Lamarcus Aldridge. Duncan and Aldridge? Sounds like Robinson and Duncan 2.0. The David West addition also allows for a nice backup who brings a physical intensity to the game. Many people have the Spurs at the #1 seed, but with Pop’s history of resting starters frequently and the time it takes to get the team chemistry right, Spurs get the 3 seed. Yes, the Warriors are the defending champs, and yes, they basically kept their entire team intact...but that’s exactly the problem! It's difficult to be successful using the same thing twice. This isn’t cooking where if you stick to the same recipe, you’re in good shape, this is the NBA: Where Adaption Happens. It’s hard for us to imagine Curry matching or topping last season. It won’t be long before opponents realize how to contain him. The Warriors will still be a top contender for the belt, but they’ll have to do so at the 4 seed.
Thunder Storm the Grizzlies to Take the Fifth Seed
Even when not making the playoffs, the Thunder had one of the more exciting seasons, solely because of Russell Westbrook. Now the once title favorites have their once MVP Kevin Durant back from injury and a new coach to lead them. Billy Donovan, the former coach for the Florida Gators, will now take the reigns from Scott Brooks to hopefully lead the team to a championship. However, the Thunder’s success depends on the two-headed monster of Durant and Westbrook. The Thunder can only go as far they can take them and they can’t do it without each other. As soon as OKC plays like an actual team, they can be contenders once again. The Grizzlies these past years have been a consistent middle-of-the-pack team in the West. They’ll continue that trend in the 2015-2016 season, just to a lighter extent. Randolph and Gasol are still leading the ‘Grind and Pound’ of the Grizzlies identity, but how far has that gotten them? A Western Conference Finals appearances where they ended up getting swept? The West keeps getting better and the Grizzlies keep doing what they always dobeing good enough to make the playoffsbut never good enough to be taken as a serious threat.
Pelicans Fly Over Sacramento for the Seventh Spot
Anthony Davis is already being considered the third best player in the NBA and it’s justified. Since being drafted in 2012, all of his stats have improved. In two years he went from 13.5 ppg to 24.4. He would’ve been higher on the MVP ladder if his supporting cast wasn’t so unsupporting. The Pelicans will do better because Davis will be better. Until they get another all-star, they’ll go as far as he takes them, yet again. The Kings haven’t seen the postseason in 10 years. With a small market, they've struggled to attain the necessary talent to get them past the drought. They have the best center in the league in DeMarcus Cousins and he might be a loose cannon, but he puts up numbers. Even though they recently got Rajon Rondo, they already have a solid point guard in Darren Collison who averaged 16 ppg and 5 asts last season. Rondo and Cousins both have notorious attitudes, but they’re Kentucky boys, so they should get along well. Rudy Gay can give them 20 and 5 every night and Reggie Evans and Willie Cauley-Stein will provide a good post presence. We’re not saying the Kings will be a shoe-in for the 8th seed. We’re saying that next season they’ll be the team that will come out of the dogfight victorious and get swept in the first round.