Say It Ain't So, LeBron

        This whole thing played out like a chick flick. LeBron is the nice guy who wants nothing more than to raise a family. The problem was he wasn’t able to have kids with his childhood sweetheart, Cleveland. After seven years of trying and one devastating miscarriage in ’07, LeBron grew irritated. He wanted out. So he split up with Cleveland and it was not a good break-up. LeBron was labeled the bad guy by all of Cleveland’s supporters. What hurt the most was the vicious letter Cleveland’s dad wrote and made public. This butt-hurt letter pretty much stated that Cleveland will have kids before LeBron and she doesn’t need that gutless and wicked traitor because she can do bad all by herself. This later proved to be far from the truth.

        So in the summer of 2010, LeBron was on the market and playing the field for the first time in his life. And like any highly desired single guy, LeBron’s public pursuit for Mrs. Right was picked up by a huge TV network and became a reality TV show. That’s right, LeBron became The Bachelor. And he had plenty of women to choose from. New York promised him that he could be a billionaire if he chose her. Alongside New York there was New Jersey, Utah, Chicago, and Houston. Cleveland was anxiously swaying back and forth in the background with her head down and arms behind her back.   

        In comes the sultry South Beach, Miami. With her voluptuous figure, smooth talk and high-heeled stilettos. She was the most enticing. She already had a baby for Dwyane Wade and her wide hips showed that she was ready to bear more.

        It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that he chose Miami in the season finale. And after four blissful years LeBron James became the proud father of two Larry O’Brien trophies. But something went wrong late in fourth year. There was trouble in Paradise. After a bad trip in San Antonio, LeBron decided to play the field once again.

       He did a lot of pussyfooting around this summer, but deep down in his heart he knew he had to go back to his hometown girl. Despite the lynch mob that burned his jerseys and slandered his name, he knew there’s no forgetting your first true love.

       Okay all jokes aside, I’m not salty about LeBron leaving. I can’t be mad at him for wanting to bring a championship to Cleveland. Let’s face it, Cleveland sucks. Not just the Cavs but the city as a whole. It’s been sucking for many years now. So LeBron leaving to put on for his city is something that I applaud. It’s not a loud applause; it’s more of a silent golf clap, but still, I’m happy for him. Let’s get this straight—there is no freaking way the Cavs will win it all next year. NO. FREAKING. WAY.  If that happens, all of the Kobe and MJ comparisons need to stop and LeBron must be heralded as the G.O.A.T. Because that is an impressive feat that no legend could’ve done.

       A western Conference team is going to win it all next year. It’s most likely going to be a Spurs repeat but I’m praying OKC pulls through because Lord knows they deserve it. The Overrated Clippers aren’t going anywhere and the Lakers are still wading in a pool of obscurity with their goggles and floaties.

You know what song perfectly describes my feelings toward this? “I Ain’t Mad at Cha” by 2Pac.

Thanks for the memories, LeBron.