How to know when you’ve gone too
far in video game raging…
Fall
is here and with that comes the usual lineup of sports video games and
first-person shooters. According to the calendar, Madden comes out late August,
Fifa comes out mid-September, NBA 2K comes out early October and Call of Duty
comes out mid-November.
This
season seems to be the biggest time of the year for video game franchises, most
titles coming out post-New Years are usually role playing or sandbox games that
don’t want to get involved in the battle for holiday supremacy. That doesn’t
seem to hinder their sales; for example, Grand Theft Auto games come
out in spring and they always sell well.
Since
we’re talking about video games I want to discuss something that plagues most
gamers. It’s an issue that gets worse with each generation: raging. From the
annoying dog that laughed at you in Duck Hunt to noob-tubers in MW2, video
games have been pissing people off for over 30 years. It’s human nature to get
angry and feel cheated; I’ve thrown plenty of tantrums in my younger days. My
favorite rage moment happened after I blew an 18 point lead against my friend in NBA 2K11. I
was down by two and I had the ball on his side of the court with less than 10
seconds left. I frantically tried to call a timeout to no avail and I lost the
game. With my friend standing next to me I jumped up and yelled “[THAT’S] F_CKING BULLSH_T,” threw my controller on my bed and
pushed my computer chair to the floor. Not only did I look like a maniac in
front my friend, but the left trigger on the controller popped off. When I failed
to put it back in place I threw it at my window and it burst into tiny pieces. That
episode cost me $25 for a new controller and an awkward ending to a hangout.
You
would think that after some time I’ve matured and changed my ways. Well, you
thought wrong. This month I got in an altercation with a kid who was probably
younger than 16 after he beat me badly in 2K. To be fair, he messaged me first
saying “You suck, ha ha.” I demanded a rematch and he declined so I proceeded
to verbally assault him with vicious messages. He responded with juvenile
statements, but I got the last word in the end so take that Josethebeast01! This
week I received a probation warning in Black Ops 2 after sending a sardonic
message asking a player how the virgin life is treating him. I couldn’t help it. He
went around stabbing people in Gun Game! I mean, c’mon, who does that?!
I
always tell myself that I’m going to play video games with my kids one day. And if
they beat me I don’t know how I’ll respond. I might be proud of them, I might
send them to military school, only time will tell. There comes a time when you must realize that
breaking things, punching holes in walls and shouting obscenities through a
headset isn’t worth it.
You
know you need to calm down when…
·
Your raging has cost you X amount of dollars in
property damages.
·
Your friends know how you get when you lose so
they prepare themselves for your sore loser fury.
·
You need a stress ball/ punching bag/ personal
counselor near you while you’re playing.
·
Your constant profanity led to the creation of a
Swear Jar.
·
Your anger gives you migraines.
·
You cry after losing.
·
Your loved ones refuse to get near or even look
at you when you pick up the controller.
·
Sharp objects are locked away when you’re about
to play.
·
You make frequent visits to anger management
classes.
·
You’re forced to play in a room where all of the
furniture is plush and non-destructible.
·
In the midst of your warpaths you are shot with
a tranquilizer and you wake up in a laboratory.
So what’s the best
way to relax? Laugh.
It’s 2014 and video games are still
aggravatingly flawed. Glitches, noobs, trash talk, and indomitable foes aren’t
going anywhere. You just have to accept it. People often look ridiculous when
they’re absolutely livid, especially when it’s for a stupid reason. You don’t
want to make other people happy at your expense. So just laugh it off. If you
have to get mad, get mad, but don’t lose your composure. Do whatever it takes
as long as it doesn’t involve quitting the game. For the love of all things
good and evil do not put the controller down. Don’t even think about it! Rage
quitting? What are you, 12 years old? PICK UP THE STICKS AND PLAY, YOU PANSY!