I Got a Story to Tell

      So Tuesday was my friend Khan’s birthday. I’m not always good with birthday wishes, but I try to send them whenever I can. I was thinking of sending him a birthday wish through Facebook but I decided to make it a little more personal and send a text. I looked through my contacts and sent him this:

      Minutes later his brother texts me from the same number. Turns out Khan’s number changed. No problem. I forward my message to the number that the brother gave me and this is the response I received:

      Now, if you know Khan, you would think that he’s just messing around and pulling my leg. No, my friends and I don’t play fight over text. We don’t play fight at all. But Khan has a unique sense of humor and something like that wouldn’t be unusual coming from him. So, being the good sport that I am, I decide to play along. 

      Once he ended it with that message I grew suspicious that I was given the wrong number. I message Khan on Snapchat telling him I wasn’t sure if he was pulling a prank on me or not but I wish him a happy birthday anyways. He responds that he wasn’t pranking me and gave me his real number. 

Uh oh..

      So I text the wrong number and threatened him thinking it was all a ruse. “Okay, welp, that’s the end of that” I thought to myself. But I was still confused as to why this person responded to me like that. Why was he so hostile? A simple, I think you have the wrong number would’ve sufficed. Maybe that’s how they do it over there (both he and Khan’s numbers start with 402 which is a Nebraska area code). I just shrugged it off and thought the guy was strange and went about my business. In case you were wondering, Khan had a great birthday. 

      Yesterday I was chilling at my cousin’s house when I got a call from a random number. The person was calling me about an ad I posted on Craigslist. I told the person that she must have the wrong number because I never posted an ad on Craigslist. Seconds later I got another call for the same reason. I told that person the same thing and hung up. Right after that the first person called asking me if I was Khan and told me about the ad. I told her that it wasn’t me and ask her to send me a picture of the ad posted. 

      I may not watch a lot of detective dramas, but it doesn’t take a sleuth to figure out who the culprit is here. So I called buddy from yesterday and he didn’t answer. Instead he hits me with this:

      So now he’s pulling the soccer mom/defenseless elderly woman card. Now he’s playing the victim. How are you going to talk about beating my ass and then put your tail in between your legs when I talk about murking you? That doesn’t make any sense. The more I’m thinking about it, the more I’m starting to wonder if this guy has severe multiple personality disorder. 

      When he finally answered my phone calls he sounded like a petrified white guy who’s been pissing himself since the other day. I told him how it was all a big misunderstanding and he said he didn’t believe me and that I am being “very soft spoken now.” He also denied having anything to do with the Craigslist ad which pissed me off. It’s one thing to call me names (which I don’t take well), but don’t insult my intelligence and DO NOT make me out to be something that I am not. Our conversation didn’t go anywhere. He ended it by saying “Alright, tough guy, this conversation is over.”

      I immediately called the cops and they directed me to the non-emergency line because I guess if you’re not in distress at the moment, 911 doesn’t have time for you. Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason why I contacted the police instead of Craigslist was because I wanted to beat buddy to it just in case he really did contact them. Yeah, I may have “done more than the situation called for” but the way I saw it I was the one who sent the incriminating text message. I mean, the text is plain as day. If someone read that “murked” line, they would think it’s a serious threat. I might as well plead my case now before anyone gets the wrong impression, feel me? And also, how many of you grew up knowing about a non-emergency number for 911? I DIDN’T FREAKING KNOW. Sure, what I was going through wasn’t an emergency but it’s not like I called the cops to vent my frustrations with a complete stranger. Give me a break. 

      Mind you, I was going through all of this B.S. on an empty stomach. It was like 10:38 when my cousin and I went to McDonald’s. I asked for a Southern Chicken Biscuit and I couldn’t get it. They told me they’re serving lunch now. Yo, McDonald’s, why is it that I can get a chicken breast with mayo and lettuce on that weird bread you use but I can’t get it plain on a biscuit? You serve Hot Cakes all day but a brother can’t get a McChicken on a biscuit?!

Anyways…

      After constant re-directions and being put on hold for people with real emergencies I was finally able to tell a cop my story. While this was taking place, I had the people texting me all day about the ad flag the post. 

Deion, that would’ve solved the problem right there. You could’ve done that all along without getting the police involved. I mean, did you REALLY think that guy was serious about calling the cops? You did too much. What did you think they were going to do about it? 

      I dunno, find out where the guy lives and burn him at the stake… maybe line him up in front of a firing squad, TP his house, break into his home in the middle of the night and put a plastic cover over his toilet seat so that when he takes a leak it bounces back in his face. I don’t freaking know! All I know is this guy ruined my morning and got off scot-free. It’s injustice, I tell ya!

      The officer called the guy and he said that he’s fine and he knows that no harm was meant to be done. He only wishes to be left alone. I asked the officer if anything was gonna happen to the guy for disturbing my peace and she said that they can’t do anything because there’s no real evidence of him being involved with the ad even though the dots line up perfectly. I asked her if I could at least write about this and she said I could but advised me not to. She told me that it’s over and I should just let it die. Sorry officer, but I don’t play that. 

      Maybe it’s all the Kodak I’ve been listening to lately but if that guy were local I would’ve pulled up to his address for a friendly hello. And I would’ve had some friendly chaps with me. We’d do a lot of talking and at the end of it all, we’d reach a good understanding. Then we can part ways and never speak to each other again. 

      But in all seriousness (because I don’t know if the Feds are reading this and I can’t afford to possibly incriminate myself for the second time), to the fellow I had the pleasure of texting and talking on the phone with, I wish you well. Maybe one day we’ll cross paths. I’ll be doing a book signing and you’ll be in the magazine section suspiciously taking pictures of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition spreads on your flip phone. I won’t know it’s you until we accidentally bump into each other and I say sorry and you’ll timidly say “Just leave me alone” at that point I’ll pause for a moment and ask you to say “you’re very soft spoken right now” after you say it I’ll light up and say “Shane? Craigslist, Playing the Victim Shane from Nebraska, is that you?!”

      Afterwards we’ll catch up and have lunch at Applebee’s. Sunshine would’ve come, but she thinks you’re creepy. I won’t pay for you, but at least we’ll enjoy the lemonade if not each other’s company. I’ll ask you what you’re doing for a living and you’ll tell me you’ve been unemployed for four years and have been trying to find work in marketing. Suits you best because that Craigslist ad sure had the people flocking! You might ask me for a job and I’ll pretend to consider. I might even go as far as to giving you a fake number before dropping you off at a street corner nearest to the local homeless shelter. Gotta beat that line! Early bird gets the worm, eh?   

But until then, Shane, I hope you stub your pinky toe today.  

Connor Towne on Durant's Departure

This week marks the six year anniversary of The Decision. It was a move that had the sports world going bonkers and the hate for LeBron James grew exponentially overnight. It’s been less than a week since Kevin Durant’s decision to join the Golden State Warriors and there isn't nearly half as much anarchy over this. I call bull.

I’m not seeing enough KD scorn and jerseys being burned. This guy is one of the best players on the planet and we just let him slide with everything he does. If he’s wrong he might get a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile, if LeBron James passed gas in an empty elevator people would lose their minds. People are so blind in their hate for LeBron that they have the nerve to compare KD’s move to LeBron going to Miami. Apples and oranges.

This guy has the mental toughness of a sea sponge and people wanna call out LeBron for not having a killer instinct? I always thought KD was soft. I knew he was the moment he cried on his mom’s shoulders after losing in the Finals. Since then every little hissy fit he had with the media reinforced my belief.

The bottom line is Kevin Durant always gets a pass. He always does and I guess he always will. July 4^th was a dark day for the NBA. I believe Jusuf Nurkic put it best:

But enough about what Jusuf and I think. Here’s what my good friend and loyal Thunder fan Connor Towne has to say about it:

      The thought really crossed my mind. This jersey that I cherished, the gift my girlfriend just recently purchased for me last Christmas, the symbol of my once favorite player lost its meaning. It's July 4th and I didn't hold back the thoughts of tying this jersey to a firework and setting it off. 

      The second I saw Kevin Durant post his Player's Tribune article to his Twitter, I yelled out a select few words my mother wouldn't be proud of. I didn't even have to open up the article. I actually didn't read it until several hours later. I knew KD's decision because of a tweet right above @KDTrey5's. It read "Ohh man! OKC fans are about to explode!" and that is all I needed to read. My girlfriend laid next to me in bed as I shuttered in disbelief. She asked me, "Did Kevin Durant leave?" She had known that his decision was consuming my every moment whenever there was a new update. I told her that he did, but then she asked, "Where to?" I didn't even have to respond. She just looked at me in the same disbelief knowing that he had left to go to Golden State.

      I have been an Oklahoma City fan since their move from Seattle. No, I was not a SuperSonics fan before the relocation, which is understandable (if you find a Seattle fan who stayed loyal to the Thunder then please let me know). I have been called a bandwagon fan many times before, but that's simply not true. I was a fan of this team when they were 23-59 in their first year in the Midwest and I am still a fan now, even after Kevin Durant ditched us. No, I am not from Oklahoma City or anywhere near. I am from Orlando and I grew up in Central Florida, but that does not mean I can't grow to love a franchise somewhere a thousand miles away. 

      The way Kevin Durant played with the Thunder reeled me in. Sure, he was in his second season by the time he played in the Orange and Blue, but the way he carried himself was special. He was not the typical superstar basketball player. He was the nice guy and he carried that persona around for many years, until recently. I feel as if my last great memory of Kevin Durant was when I watched the live stream on my phone of his 2014 MVP speech. 

      KD used to be the family friendly face of the NBA. I don't know what happened with that image, but it faded after that speech. Next thing I knew, KD was becoming offended by every meme of him that scrolled across the computer screen. Then he's replying to every Stephen A. critique and Skip Bayless insult. It was at this moment that I realized that KD really was as weak-minded as a 16 year old girl who just set up a new ask.fm account & that idea was only confirmed when I saw his Player's Tribune article posted on July 4th.

      I must have spent a good hour watching "expert" reaction videos right after the news broke. My personal favorite was Stephen A. Smith's reaction. Throw a solid handful of large vocabulary words in to my rants and all of the sudden Stephen A. & I are the same person. Other experts were trying to remain professional about the situation. They didn't want to take it too far. Stephen A. kept it real and he was right. It was the weakest move by an NBA Superstar that we have ever seen.

      KD supporters, what's your argument? How is it a "strong" move? Even you can't tell me that. You'll tell me, "He wanted a ring and he wasn't getting one in Oklahoma."... And right there you reinforce it being the weakest move by an NBA superstar. Kevin would have gotten that ring. If you disagree then you probably spend more time watching Soccer & the Premier League than you do watching the NBA. You're under the impression that only big market teams will win and that's how it will always be. With that, I'll send a belated "Thank You!" to Jamie Vardy and the rest of Leicester City. Any team can win at any given point and I can GUARANTEE that Oklahoma City had better odds to win the 2017 NBA Finals than Leicester did winning the 2016 Premier League.

      I'm not too angry that Kevin Durant left the Thunder. I have grown to become a bigger Russell Westbrook fan over the years so as long as he is on the team then I'm still content. But that's all that I am; content. The Thunder really would have won that championship and they still would have had a great opportunity to contend without KD, if Kevin chose to go to Boston, Miami, or even his hometown in the capital of this great country. Durant didn't even give the Wizards a look though. They weren't shiny enough for him. They didn't win a championship recently, but most importantly, they weren't the team that came back from a 3-1 deficit to defeat his team. Had the Wizards done that, they would have their hometown hero back in D.C. 

Durant gave good years to Oklahoma. It's understandable if he chose to leave because he almost spent a whole decade in OKC. That's not the issue here. He could have gone to Boston. Spent some good years with Al Horford, Isaiah Thomas, and upcoming coaching genius Brad Stevens. The constant Slim Reaper vs. King James headlines would have been great for the league. He could have gone to Miami. Dwyane Wade would have stayed put and we wouldn't have Miami fans whining as if it's 70 degrees outside and they can't find their jackets. There would have been an even better storyline asking if Pat Riley found LeBron's replacement. The NBA would have been in a state of euphoria and everything would have been hunky-dory. That won't happen though, unfortunately. Because he went to the Bay. Newsflash KD, the Warriors didn't need you. Even more so, they didn't need to give you a max deal either. That max deal wasn't spent to get you on their team. That max deal was spent to get you OFF the Thunder. Jerry West even told you that they didn't NEED you there. He just told you that it would be nice having you. What a sales pitch, huh? Good choice, Kevin. I can see how they really swooned you.

      KD has never been held to the high standard as he should, and I'll say the same about Steph Curry. These guys are league MVP's. I might be acting too harsh on this because for the foreseeable past, most MVP's have been given to LeBron. I like holding MVP's to that standard, but KD gets a pass by everyone. I gave him this pass too, until now. I was wrong for it, obviously just because I was a blinded fan of the Thunder but it's not okay. LeBron is consistently chastised about his every move even if they really aren't that bad. "The Decision"? Yeah, he raised a lot of money for the Boys and Girls Club of America at the same time. That argument is invalid. Stop vilifying LeBron if you're going to embrace Kevin Durant.

      To bring up another point that I find myself debating about too many times, many fans put too much value on winning championships or getting rings. Rings DO NOT define greatness. There's a long list of legendary sport figures who have never won a ring. For instance, Reggie Miller never won a championship. What he did do was spend his entire career with the Indiana Pacers building a legacy that Pacers fans and NBA fans alike will never forget. In my opinion, what Reggie did is greater than winning a single ring. He left behind a legacy and a whole lot of history, even some moments that made for a damn good 30-for-30 almost 2 decades later. 

      Kevin Durant could have done that. In fact, he could have still won that championship while doing what Reggie did in the 90's. He could have been the Kobe Bryant of Oklahoma City. These are all things he left behind. His legacy will never be the same and it won't ever be able to recover. The Thunder was his team. Oklahoma City was his kingdom, but he wanted to do his own thing. He isn't Reggie Miller and he will never be Kobe Bryant. So brace yourselves for the biggest team bust in NBA history. I thought I was happy seeing the Mavericks take down the 2011 Miami Heat, but I can guarantee you that I will be jumping off the walls when the Warriors aren't champions. I will love every moment seeing Kevin Durant reminisce on what could have been if he hadn't taken the easy road. I've been called a hater before. That's fine with me. I'm a passionate Oklahoma City Thunder fan and I will ride with my team till the end, unlike Kevin Durant.