(Barely) keeping my head above water

             Hey all, I feel really bad for not posting as consistently as I would like. It's been a little rough for me school-wise. Everything else is going well. Sunshine and I are doing well, I call home semi-regularly and I still have my jobs. Life is good, school is just kicking my butt. I often sit in class wondering why I didn't play travel basketball when I had the chance. I could've went somewhere with it. I'm not saying I'd go to the league, but I might've went D1. With proper training and lots of prayer I could've developed a jump shot and sick handles. I should've made the bowling team my sophomore year. If only I knew bumpers weren't used in competitive bowling. If I knew what I know now I would tell myself to consider being a dentist. Think about it, they have it easy. Nobody dies on their hands, they work great hours and have you ever seen a stressed out dentist? Remember that movie Snow Dogs?Cuba Gooding Jr was a dentist in that movie and he had a pretty nice car. Last thing I'll say about dentists is this, Chris Rock has a joke where he talks about there being only four black people in his neighborhood. In his neighborhood there's him, Jay-Z, Mary J. Blige and Eddie Murphy. The white guy who lives next door to him is a dentist. Being a dentist can lead to me being neighbors with Chris Rock and Jay-Z; I see no negatives here. Realistically I couldn't convince myself to go to school for dentistry. Here's how the conversation would've went:

Current me: Hey, you know what you should do? You should go to school to be a dentist!

11th grade me: A dentist? Why would I do that?

Current me: Because it's easy and it pays well.

11th grade me: But wouldn't I have to go to school for like 10 years?

Current me: I don't really know, didn't research that. All I know is you can live next door to Chris Rock and/or drive a nice car in Miami. 

11th grade me: No way, man. I'm going to apply to the film school!

Current me: We'll still write, just major in something that makes money!

11th grade me: Thanks for the advice, but I have to follow my dreams. This writing thing is meant to be.

Current me: *Sigh... Welp, have fun taking Teachers and Technology 

11th grade me: Teachers and Tech, what? Wait! Before you go, how many more championships will LeBron win?

Current me: Can't say. Don't want the butterfly effect to screw things up. Just know, when the Warriors have a 3-1 lead, bet against them. 

End Scene

             I've been stressing and thinking about all the things I could've done lately because I'm going through a mid college life crisis and it sucks. There’s something about junior year that makes you stop and think. It’s like wow, I’m really halfway done with undergrad. It’s crazy looking back on freshman year and realizing that was two years ago. So much has changed since then, you’re probably not the same person. Suddenly you see the high schoolers visit campus and feel more distant from them. You can spot a freshman from a mile away or within minutes of talking to one. There’s so much to look back on and a lot to look forward to. But don’t get too caught up, because you probably have an exam to study for this week. Back in high school, being a junior was celebrated. During senior sendoffs, juniors would get crowns to symbolize the passing of the throne. If juniors receive crowns towards the end of the year, sophomores should get strait jackets because junior year is enough to make anyone go crazy.  

             Looking back on all of those college movies and TV shows, I wonder if they accurately depicted the stress of junior year. Suddenly every day is a deadline and there’s always something you forgot was due until it’s time to turn it in. It’s like when you’re in a gunfight in Call of Duty then another enemy shows up and starts shooting you, then an airstrike comes by and you step near a bouncing betty. In the killcam you your corpse is getting teabagged and a shrill voice comes on your mic to tell you that you suck and says disrespectful things about your mom. That’s how it is. Everything comes at you like some kind of symphony from Hell. The end result is a composition of anxiety induced panic attacks, sleepless nights and lingering existentialism. Eddie said it best with this anecdote: “My semester has been like this: I fall behind in this class, I work to catch up. Now I’m behind in this class, I get back up. I try to get ahead in this class, now I’m behind in all my classes.”

This year more than ever has taught me a great lesson about time management. Eddie has another great quote about this: “I’m taking half the classes [that I took in high school] and I’m still wondering where to find the time!” If I had known how quickly an hour can pass by sifting through social media apps I might’ve asked my parents to downgrade me to a Jitterbug phone.  To the people who go out pretty much every night and still manage to make the Dean’s List (have a GPA at or above 3.5), I salute you. I had friends who did that during freshman year and there was nothing you could tell them. Those days have been long gone.

Around this time, you may be getting into or already in your major. This is a good and bad thing. It means no more liberal studies courses but it also means play time is over. Getting into your major can be exciting and irritating. You might sit in class happy about what you’re learning or you might look like Gob from Arrested Development and realize you’ve made a huge mistake. The scariest part of it all might not be graduating on time, but figuring out what you’re doing after graduation. Everywhere you go, people are going to ask what’s next. Family gatherings, cocktail parties, work… Saying “I don’t know” multiple times can not only get annoying, it can also be frightening and discouraging. Lately I’ve been worrying about whether or not I’ve done enough. Is my resume on point? Do I know anybody who can help me land a job, can they write good references? In the words of the great Kanye West "This the real world, homie, school finished" that's about to be my reality soon. 

Junior year in high school was like “Oh, shoot! I gotta take the SAT and ACT and start applying for college!” Junior year in college is like “Oh, shoot! I gotta make sure I graduate on time and take this exam for my major which costs hundreds of dollars out of pocket and look into some grad school applications and get an internship and eat!”

I was at a friend’s birthday party this Fall. I met a senior and asked him if he had any advice to give me. Without hesitation he looked at me and said “Turn the f*ck up!” That’s it. That’s all he had to tell me. The only regret he had in his time in college is that he didn’t party hard enough because he spent his first two years in a relationship. Since he already has a profitable job lined up for him after graduation, I can’t fault him for saying what he did. But as an Education major with dreams of being a screenwriter, turn the f*ck up won’t do much for me.

           For all the soon to be juniors out there I advise you to have fun during your time here. Don’t graduate with any regrets but at the same time, plan for the future. Life comes at you fast and it won’t slow down for you. Neither will college. If you didn’t know that already you will definitely know come junior year. To all my fellow juniors, it’s almost over. By the end of the finals week, we can make a toast to our survival at a local bar.